Change.

In December 2012 I decided to stop trading. Why? Because I lost so much money that I could not allow my account to drain any more. I decided to move back to simulated account (SIM) until I get it right. I told myself it will take as long as it needs to take. I felt I needed to change, and at that moment, I was not even reading this book. If I had been, then everything would have been easier and quicker. Once I started it, it seemed like my experiences were always one day ahead of whatever section I read. I was reading things that already happened to me just one day earlier. Whenever I sat down to read, it was as if the chapter was written just for me.

"Many traders only get to the point of self-coaching after they have experienced harrowing losses."*

I wanted the change without even realizing that I was doing just that – making the change. The thing is, it’s very hard to start changing. It was hard for me. The decision to move back to SIM terrified me. I have to admit that I cried and it really hurt to be going backwards with my work.

How many times have you tried going on a diet? How many times did you start workouts for yourself to get into better shape or to feel better? How many times did you try to quit smoking or drinking? Me, I quit smoking many times, started workout programs as well, and diets too. I always had a good reason to go back to my old, bad habits. But finally, I reached the goals I wanted to achieve in those areas, but it took time and effort. It’s the same with trading.

"The easy part is initiating a change process. The real challenge is sustaining change."*

With my decision to go back to SIM, I realized that I needed to change and finally get it right before I would ever go back to live trading. I knew it was going to take time, time that I didn't have. When I thought back to how many times I had already gone back and forth from live to SIM trading, it scared me that this time would be the same with the same results. But I pushed myself, to stay on SIM and to work hard to make a change once and for all. The key is in the plan, rules and strategy all at once, to be followed every single day in the same way.

After 4 months of trading on SIM I finally got to the point that I saw I can really do it. I had fewer rules, but a more specific set of rules with the same plan and the same strategy. My pain and fear of trading changed to the driving force behind making me trade the same way live, because I did good based on those rules on SIM account. It was very important for me to do the same thing on the live account, so I set a goal for myself. My goal for 2012 would be to break even doing the same thing live that I had done on SIM.

"The secret to goal setting is providing your goals with emotional force."*

It is the end of the year, and I am very proud to say that I reached my goal; I broke even. Also, I have finished my first reading of Steenbarger’s book, which gave me a lot more than just information about what I was going through. With my own help, I got a new set of goals. And now I know I can reach them.

"It’s important not just to have goals, but also to directly experience yourself as capable of reaching those goals."*

Today I coach myself to continue my change. Every day I check on my work to see and feel my success. Reaching each and every single goal, and following my rules every single day is pushing me to do the same over and over again. I don't ever want to look back and think about the days before December 2012.

"Coaching is about making change happen, not just letting it happen."*

*LESSON 1 The Daily Trading Coach 101 Lessons for Becoming Your Own Trading Psychologist by Steenbarger, Brett N.